An Emotional Journey

 And speaking of honesty - I AM GOING THRU SOME SHIT. I cant find hope most mornings, usually those are overcast ones, but today is very sunny and honestly good, yet! i still felt like the weight of all of my problems multiplied and nestled itself right atop of my silly silly head. Why do does it feel i cant move when there are things i must do, but dont know how or feel capable to do? its been like this since... well... I am 33 and i think it has been a problem for 25? Ish? Anyway. Everything is fun   fine, even if i dont, cant feel like it. I drank coffee, took two phenibuts, will try to face my fear later on. Maybe some games? that helps with executive dysfunction, bc I GUESS in games i can do whatever and anything!! yeay. maybe will crank one out too. Champagne if i have to. Ok cheers.

and i know its gonna be awful hard. but it is better than keeping everything inside.

Going off medication can be scary. You were in control - or rather you knew you had a say in how you felt; but it was a choice between feeling good (or really weird and uncomfortable!) and feeling really really shitty. It's a safe thing, you know? A reliable thing. I am going off my medication, it has served its purpose, it is overstaying its welcome by a Lot. The one I am on right now is a last in the chain of many I was taking in the course of the last year and a half. If you keep telling your psych the anxiety isn't going away, attempt after medicinal attempt, eventually they will prescribe you something that will get its claws deep in your body. I wasn't told clonazepam causes severe dependence, not a peep about it, just a casual "This is stronger than your usual meds, don't overdo it."         Each next - mostly antipsychotics - was there to help me go off the previous one. Because they all created depenence of their own. Turns out I am terrified of commi