An Emotional Journey

 158/90 is my blood pressure on the right arm. its 146/8something on the left.  i blame medication. but chamomile as well. i also blame my pregnancy scare. i havent taken medication in soon to be 24 hours.  mom's new BP meter stores data on a permanent memory. I will have to explain. i tried to post in a vent room in discord chat but a cat broke the plate and now i think G-d has made this happen to stop me. is this the same as Not Believing Anything has a Supernatural Explanation OR??? can i get an answer?

 Well it seems like you've found me!  remember when i was weaning off of all the shit my psych had put me on? Helpfully?  Well right now it feels like i am in that stage again. Especially when I am lying down on the floor/bed. I assume my horrible anger issues stem from that directily? Today I - took a whole phen, drank a cup of cham tea, ate sweets, ate condenced milk with really cheap instant coffee. as a result i dont have anger at the moment thank G-D. I still have that accursed feeling that makes me shiver from the memories and the potential of being stuck, again, in that nightmare I pray that I wont be I would rather literally die. Job? NOW? Fuck off.

Going off medication can be scary. You were in control - or rather you knew you had a say in how you felt; but it was a choice between feeling good (or really weird and uncomfortable!) and feeling really really shitty. It's a safe thing, you know? A reliable thing. I am going off my medication, it has served its purpose, it is overstaying its welcome by a Lot. The one I am on right now is a last in the chain of many I was taking in the course of the last year and a half. If you keep telling your psych the anxiety isn't going away, attempt after medicinal attempt, eventually they will prescribe you something that will get its claws deep in your body. I wasn't told clonazepam causes severe dependence, not a peep about it, just a casual "This is stronger than your usual meds, don't overdo it."         Each next - mostly antipsychotics - was there to help me go off the previous one. Because they all created depenence of their own. Turns out I am terrified of commi...