An Emotional Journey

 Ive had two humiliation filled days in a row, it feels that way.  I feel ashamed of how seemingly incapable of work i am, how seemingly unwilling to get one i am, how seemingly lazy and parasitic i seemingly am.  I am? Not seemingly? Whos to say? only my inner core can make a statement on that, and i am not privy to its workings, not today. Not these days. Im just exhausted, and have exhausted, seemingly, all of my methods, all of the ways there were for me to move forward. Can I still move forward? None of them understand my limitations, the gentleness I require with overcoming them, on my own time, on my own rules.

I went to Mercedes factory today, instead of immediately writing me a note about how I can't work here the manager gave me a test. "I cant just discard you Im afraid". An English test. An easy test. Limited time (she gave me 15, but i think she had cut it short), i wasnt really worried. I am good at this.  I have failed it. I thought maybe she just pretended because she had no position for me and had to write me off as incompetent. But I was standing just now in the kitchen, trying to think objectively, and have recalled the questions I have actually struggled with. Yes, buddy, you still suck at things. Specifically Past Perfect. OHH the dreaded PP. And complex sentences with two tenses. Yup thats my cryptonite all  right. Now i am ashamed to show my face to the unemployment center. "How do you know you know english?" I dont, lady, i really dont. This is my first professional heartbreak. Fuck my feelings.  Tenses I need to learn tenses i need to learn tenses i n...