An Emotional Journey

 Anxious about tomorrow's date with Anya, she does seem weird. I hope she will quench my fears and is a lovely lady and actually respects boundaries not only firmly established but also those vaguelly hinted at. I need friends and good experiences now, very much. I dont want the dacha thing repeated, i dont want regrets. Plus she positions herself as a mistress. And im averted to that, when it comes to me. But also she says boundaries are important to her SO. Let the tree show what it is.

Saw a a dream in the evening where I am about to have sex with Nicole, and i feel IMMENSE relief. also saw actors and musicians and some randoes having sex on our green sofa. bc "no one was seeing them doing it" or something, it was an empty place from time to time. it was lonely. (?). then i saw limp wrist band album cover with 4 bears, and the bears i also saw in that dream. later on, Anya from feelds texted me, apparently happy to talk to me. Also ive talked to Anna about pregnancy scare, bc it felt like the "Ive sent you three boats" situation, considering. she sent me a pic of covid test, that looked like pregnancy test, and said as much. SIGN! Anya wanted to add me on IG bt i told her its for family, AND SHE DIDNT PUSH (only once, b4 reading the message about Fam Only) I stood up for myself! very good, me. Sent Nicole my dream. but it wasnt entirely her also, some softer.. darker? woman was a part of it.. could it be a mix of K.? i hope not! K told me they are...

Anya has just said we can meet up next week, when she is free. Im anxiety. What if she doesnt like me? WHAT IF SHE DOES?????

 things are slow with Anya, but she doesnt seem to be annoyed with me, but i am SHAKENING with fear and antici pation. This is so adult, this is so much new things i need to quickly learn/accept/be brave enough to do. Its a good thing. Its a growth thing. I invite it.