An Emotional Journey

 yesterday ive installed a faucet, with moms help. a dream where i use a underwater propeller (from Propell. its a handhelp device. u know hte kind). and it works! the steadier and longer i keep it running the faster. i need to either outrun someone or something, or dodge. also i try to use my feet to paddle, to go even faster. and it WORKS!!! but its like with the knees - hard to keep them going, its UNCOFMORTABLE TO THE STATE OF INCORPOREAL PAIN, i feel them being slow, slowing, and i force them, or RATHER i ignore them being slower and paddle them faster. and IT WORKS!!!. AND I SUCCEED IN THIS DREAM another dream. me and abuser are sent by my fam to go get soemthing. we are NOT on our bikes, but we walk them. like Bill Denbrough.i look at him, and am upset i have to be near him. i immediately decide to avoid as much contact as i can. silence! non connection on emotional level. even tho he seems to want it, to seek it.  I drive my bike, a beefy, green, sports bike, a muscle ...

 A dream where I am without underwear in class, and its not a dream and i think about how ashamed i was in dreams like that, and how similar the feeling is now, in real life. And how i could just walk with my dick out, but id still feel real weird. And ashamed, in a special way. I decide I might, but then i see Dashka at the first desk and immediately feel and decide that i can not  do it, that she deserves better, that [she deserves to not see my dick for the first time this way], that its not nice to her. I sit down, with some black guy. Looking around for some underpants OR ANYTHING. There seem to be nothing i can put on in a good way. Suddenly - a towel. I wrap it around my loins. It fits me good, i sit back, relax, and the towel sits just right, hiding just enough. Even though it shows the beginning of the crease of my crotch - its fine, even Zhenya wore jeans like that.  I can get up and nobody will be scandalized. I sit back down (or did i get up aat all?) and its ...