some post i forgot about
I've always been extremely practical, then I've lost it, (i saw a dream where i thought back to when i was a kid and.. "have to go to school bc I'm not an adult. doing this and that. the gov makes my mom so this stuff. but now i am an adult. and i can just not do that. i can just not do anything i don't want to. nobody can make me do stuff anymore (in a dream it was like that. maybe the childhood view on the adulthood). and if i decide to die, that' my own choice. they'll try to stop me tho (a thought!) but it won't matter. my existence doesn't matter. y existence is insignificant. my existence is. nothing. i knew that, understood that as a child. and now I'm back to knowing it. it's freeing. evil glee? neutral glee. i can decide my own fate bc its utterly insignificant. i am free. bc of that. i was able to see (again!) how nothing matters. wait isn't it the otci i deti narrative, nihilism? am i turning into abuser? or finally into the...