An Emotional Journey

 rectangular brown шкаф material tunnel, i have to go thru, only me apparently. and Archie (G.) wants me to take my white wired cheap headphones with me this time . it feels untenable (?? word?). it feels like i will get stuck or something with them with me. but then i hide them in my pocket and can do it. 🥫 (just a memory trigger, this can, sorry (on android!)) i can move the walls of the tunnel, to fit. and as i crawl i think Why do i have to (keep) do(ong) this. it's generous. what if i get stuck? that's how cave explorers feel, terrifying. i don't want to get stuck. but also Why Would I get stuck? I've been thru these tunnels many times. getting stuck is just a fear causes by the fact that if something WAS to happen i wouldn't be able to escape, to get out. i would die here (here - home?) i just move the walls to make the tunnel bigger, bc even my head wouldn't fit in this one, idk if it was supposed to be moved but here we are. it's dusty, no one has e...

 yesterday ive installed a faucet, with moms help. a dream where i use a underwater propeller (from Propell. its a handhelp device. u know hte kind). and it works! the steadier and longer i keep it running the faster. i need to either outrun someone or something, or dodge. also i try to use my feet to paddle, to go even faster. and it WORKS!!! but its like with the knees - hard to keep them going, its UNCOFMORTABLE TO THE STATE OF INCORPOREAL PAIN, i feel them being slow, slowing, and i force them, or RATHER i ignore them being slower and paddle them faster. and IT WORKS!!!. AND I SUCCEED IN THIS DREAM another dream. me and abuser are sent by my fam to go get soemthing. we are NOT on our bikes, but we walk them. like Bill Denbrough.i look at him, and am upset i have to be near him. i immediately decide to avoid as much contact as i can. silence! non connection on emotional level. even tho he seems to want it, to seek it.  I drive my bike, a beefy, green, sports bike, a muscle ...