An Emotional Journey

 In grandparents room. Many ppl. Many cats. I look around and we have just... recently moved in here from the second floor apartment. This is new and less.. it has less soul. I want to go back. I realize that new ppl live there now and i cant go back. they dont know me. it would be very awkward to do it. it cant be done. panic sets in, the usual kind when i cant reverse something, or ALMOST cant. but really really wanna do it. I think about taking pills or something to commit suicide, and to write my note about how it is bc i cant live there anymore. [is this childish is this bad]. WHY DID WE MOVE HERE IT WAS SO GOOD DOWN THERE. its not our apartment everything is foreign. My cats are mine. They came with us (interesting, this). Sean and others are on the windowsill. The windows open in a strange way, the slit is very straight and smooth and straight edged. 90 degrees, it doesnt have features, just an opening. And it has less protections here too. And the outside windowsill... it h...

 Ok im not really good at this. ( suicide talk below ) I've only recalled I have a blog after thinking I should search for a Suicidals subreddit, due to, you know, being suicidal almost every day of every week. But this works too. Hi. Things were happenening, and they were not happenening. No major changes and yet some changes. No one is calling me from the many jobs Ive applied to aND EVEN IF THEY DID! I am fairly uncertain I could maintain a job. Does not being able to function on a day to day basis constitute an inability to have a job? Afraid I wont know the answer until I get to test it myself. *cough* second fucking time *coughghghgh* I am Very good at doing one task. Just one and I am fine. I can focus, I can strategize, I can function. As of right now I am under constant (emphasis) pressure of like 5 big things I HAVE to do. Naturally I am unable to even start getting to it. Please I just need one thing at a time and I will be the most successful person this side of Styx. A...