Fifth Floor

 In grandparents room. Many ppl. Many cats. I look around and we have just... recently moved in here from the second floor apartment. This is new and less.. it has less soul. I want to go back. I realize that new ppl live there now and i cant go back. they dont know me. it would be very awkward to do it. it cant be done. panic sets in, the usual kind when i cant reverse something, or ALMOST cant. but really really wanna do it. I think about taking pills or something to commit suicide, and to write my note about how it is bc i cant live there anymore. [is this childish is this bad]. WHY DID WE MOVE HERE IT WAS SO GOOD DOWN THERE. its not our apartment everything is foreign. My cats are mine. They came with us (interesting, this). Sean and others are on the windowsill. The windows open in a strange way, the slit is very straight and smooth and straight edged. 90 degrees, it doesnt have features, just an opening. And it has less protections here too. And the outside windowsill... it has something about it. maybe the ploschad? Are cats outside there too?  I look at the cats (kittens, its only my kittens there), and at first worry about them falling off the fifth floor window. But next i feelthing that its.. safe ish?
Anyway, after this i think about suicide.
Maybe THAT will force mom to bring us all back to where i belong, to where we belong. I can't reconcile myself with living here, with the new situation.
I dont think i go outside of this room.
When i think about my apartment on the second floor, i get panicky. I feel how much i have lost with it. I feel how much i miss and need it.

Also, and it might be a coinkydink, 5+2

7???

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