This is the last summer of my life and I want to spend it nice

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Mom am I still young?

 I saw a dream, I imagined myself being 45 and STILL living with my mom. The embarrassment I've felt, the hurt, the sense of self-betrayal... I dont want this to happen. But i fell unable to stop it. At least in a dream. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- maybe same dream or not - family brought many things to sell, magnitolas, tvs, i took one,  then kate was lying sick, cold, in the bed, i went to check her mouth like cat's  and when i was doing this husband kept saying some shit and i needed him to shut up. When he didnt i started hitting him. and jumping WWE style on him. but he had a таз on his head and he was probs too fat to even get any damage. and he didnt do anything as if i didnt hurt him at all. but it wasnt stopping me. Anyway i hate writing about this. she texted me today like Hi are u asleep. ANYWAY anyway, i congratulated her with her decision to move out ...
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 big hair, dried. i show them to .. mother? thinking she will pop the gasket but she is calm and is like Yea? mhm!  i expect people to react but they just are cool with it.  Wild hair, on my head, grown out, almost too wild, im surprised but feel like this is how its supposed to be. Wet. Rain? I dry them. They dry by themselves. I look in the mirror. A big копна of hair. Way more than would be in reality. they wouldnt be that size wet-then-dry in reality. they would be less. I am frightened but just for a second. [I read about Bill Denbrough and its his hair, wildly in the wind and rain. At the club house. I am Bill Denbrough. I am BIll. I am Bill...] dream where i eat a piece of white paper. i think - this wont upset my stomach, i think, i did it many times. (reminds me of the dream where i ate headphone padding) dream where i go, run to dacha, idk why i don't wanna take the bus, and like less than halfway i remember i forgot my wallet. and i cant ****** (buy something? ...
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