A dream where I am without underwear in class, and its not a dream and i think about how ashamed i was in dreams like that, and how similar the feeling is now, in real life. And how i could just walk with my dick out, but id still feel real weird. And ashamed, in a special way. I decide I might, but then i see Dashka at the first desk and immediately feel and decide that i can not do it, that she deserves better, that [she deserves to not see my dick for the first time this way], that its not nice to her.
I sit down, with some black guy. Looking around for some underpants OR ANYTHING. There seem to be nothing i can put on in a good way. Suddenly - a towel. I wrap it around my loins. It fits me good, i sit back, relax, and the towel sits just right, hiding just enough. Even though it shows the beginning of the crease of my crotch - its fine, even Zhenya wore jeans like that.
I can get up and nobody will be scandalized.
I sit back down (or did i get up aat all?) and its the abuser.
The teacher is saying something, we all are supposed to write stuff down in our notebooks. I dont have one. I ask him for a paper out of his. He tears one from it, gives it to me and its Used. I give it back, annoyedly, and ask for another, clean one.
I somehow find my own? i guess. Or just a paper/used paper i can write on. He gets mad? no. i dont think.
We talk, joke a bit, and i realize this is wrong. It's him. I shouldnt be friendly with him - this is real life! I want to end this friendship for GOOD.So that it never comes back. like in dreams over and over.
Then I find something to be mad at him about, and ...WAIT FOR IT!!!
Pour my? Or artificial cum! on him. And or do a chokehold on him. I hold him under the Cum Level so that he chokes!
After - or before - I notice he holds more than half the desk. So I push him (remember what he was like at school? its like that), while heavily uncertain he will ALLOW me to do it. ALLOW!! shit. So he smirks and of course starts fighting for status quo, i Push, i put an automatic pen on his shoulder and push. THAT makes him move a long way to the side. I can feel he getting mad. He pushes me. I push back and he expects to be victorious here the way he was almost always back at school. But I am stronger now. I am stronger than him. And I KNOW it. Bitch. Ok i think NOW is the cum time tm.
Whatever i do during this period - i Know it makes him so mad, so vengeful, resentful. But I push (metaphorically) harder and harder. I tell him things I wanted to tell him, read him to filth. And i know that whatever i do and say inflict physical pain or damage upon him. Good.
I think he says something threatening to me, as he did. I react to that by doing more harm :)
He is helpless now. He will come home and think so hard of revenge. But now his head is low, he just doesnt react anymore. As i pour MORE CUM, BITCH!!! So much cum on him. At some point I know he cant breath bc of CUM in his nostrils. GOod. Choke.
I tell about him so that the whole class could hear. Could know. WHat he had done to me. that he is no angel and no hero of theirs. no pretty boy star of their school years. THat he is an abuser and he deserves death [or whatever im doing to him rn]
I get up I look at a black guy with nice african hairdo behind me. Some cum got on him. I apologize. He seems chill about it. He understands the revenge. I collect my things.
I am afraid of abuser's judgement as I am about to say this but realize that ITS HIS INFLUENCE AND HE NO LONGER CREATES MY MORAL CODE. HE NO LONGER HAS THE POWER TO SHAME ME. So I say. This is how the evil wins, if we dont do anything.
I dont feel shame. I feel a lowkey, but loud pride.
I walk to the left row,* theres a whole desk free. Why? There is a door in the wall that is now open and the only way to go from it is thru the desk space. I ask if its free. The black girl(s) shrug. I dont sit.
*as i walk i think about things this evil dweed will do or want to do for what i have done to him now.
I go to mum's and tell her thaat... but before i tell her she Beams! she is so proud of me! and how i behaved back in class! She! was the teacher all along? So i tell her now that she should be careful for he can and prolly will do some revenge shit. She should be on high alert. She doesnt seem perturebed, she is calm and smiling. "It's gonna be ok"
And it will
(ps the notebook part of this dream has a That Wonderful Notebook dreams vibe. fighred its important)
a dream before - about diarhea and two rolls of tp. Why is the first covered in shit? my hand isnt THAT dirty. It smells weird. The second one is fine. But i cant just throw away the whole roll. Even if its so dirty? i can use it right? (like that time irl i was frightened of shit on tp. but it was mine)
Ok so what i think caused the good dream is my smoking, my deciding against SOMETHING, my almost-desire to get that sweeper job. Good. Real good.
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