Ay Caramba or something

 skateboard! i can ride skateboard! and it has rubber wheels so i can ride it at home and i do! i am not falling. I can even stand/balance on it with my eyes closed 


our (new?) house has a cellar, i need to dig, we've bought this old house. Sam also had theirs, and theirs has it all clear, a tunnel to the caves. i dig until i come into the presence of a Christian cave. many statues of J and M. a stove. at first I think maybe i should forehead touch the statue of J. when i decide not to, a fear of the cave starts to slowly grow on me. it's normal and Christian and shouldn't feel like there's something very evil there. but i feel it. it might be just my sick head, i know that. when i get out(i decide to not dig further. i stopped uncovering the caves, the secrets, after I've encountered christians, and was too scared to dig deeper, to a real ending, real answers), it is on the lake shore, no lake, forest, i want to tell my mom, ofc, and at the same time feel it would be wrong, a momentary relief isn't worth the bad consequences. but after a few urges i almost say it. and i think she hears. but does she understand. if she does I'm a bit screwed. it's because she will try to make me change my Feeling. i needn't go there. thinking about going there feel bad. I'm very afraid of the entity and of the harm i might receive from it. a curse? some change? i think i visit the cave at least one more time. and feel uneasy and also ok and this mix makes me feel weirdly bad.

i think about Sammy at the forest.

this dream plus the dream where I'm very deep under ground. deep meanings. deep fears.

ps, just now recalling my analysis of the Christian imagery in a dream and how it corresponds with me being forced into the faith, and how scared and uncomfortable i was. and how only A's departure could make my mind seek for ANY way to deal with the pain and ive submitted to Christianity.  Was it on purpose.



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