i enter a radio place and ask, shyly if i could be a host or work here (i mean work  not be a host). Young women. old man, who has worked here for 4 decades. he touches my face.. in a gentle manner, but creepy too. bc he didnt ask permission, and i blame myself for not saying Stop. or not pushing his hand away. or hitting him.

they accept my offer and i will need to show them what i can do, create some content, research, write. 


before that i enter a room, like an interrogation room but good. interview room? and there is a woman and a man, guy that works with her.

i look at her, then at him and spew "my god you are so fucking beautiful.....!" with a gasp. i realize that might be gay, but I'm not, and saying it once, especially when it's so glaringly obvious that he is a miraculously beautiful man (i feel warmth when i say that to him. he smiles. i feel that i can do it with him. he is one of the men who can have me. but is it safe? (this thought is just now probably)) (he is really all too gorgeous. and maybe i just take this as an opportunity to express my queer side safely, when i can say that i am straight but even a straight knows when a man is GORGEOUS)

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