this was goodgood

 i miss her so much 

we kissed several times in the following days, we cuddled, she cried, i was with her, WITH her, i know her now, i love her now more . deeply. than i could before. 

my poor beloved,

i took a picture of us, in it we are happy, i really like the picture.

maybe she will be free one day. maybe i can help. in bath I've been thinking about protection and standing between her and the monster. idk how i can do it, and if i can possibly be brave enough. but I will offer my help, my presence, my body and health, for her and her daughter's wellbeing, and i will try to be brave in my terrible fear.

now remembering us, everything we've done with each other, feels so sweet and unexpected and distant and like something out of a nice fever dream. but it was real, it was the most real thing in a while. the closest thing I've ever had.


every time i smell her clothes there's a ping (pang?) of pain in my stomach, and sweetness 

please be well




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