dreams keep happening

 Crabs! he brought crabs, but i dont know how to kill them with no pain. they lie on the balcony, on the metal grate shelf, i hoped they were dead but they were breathing. big huge crabs, different shapes.
freezer! of course. i put two at first, then teres a bug,*i feel it at first, it was attached to me, i get rid of him and see that it's probably tick shaped. i look closer and it's клоп shaped. (recalling the clop conversation with vasily). it's bigger now.  bigger than i thought. it has three pairs of legs now instead of four. i put him there too, even though i didnt have to. i COULD JUST LET HIM GO?? i dont know how i ended up putting him there. it's bc it scared me right? it's bc i wanted revenge? or safety, the feeling of safety.
i take one crab out he unfreezes a little and is alive. i think Maybe they live in near freezing envo, so this doesnt affect him. I put him back. i cant handle the pointy legs touching me, trying to get me to let him go, but i try to handle it, be strong. and i kinda feel like i am starting to get there.
We are close to a lake shore, the one i ve been to that one dream where there was stairs near a park.

Opalkova in the window, smoking. she has a face of a different girl, softer, rounder. i QUIETLY whisper to her, i ask for a cigarette. a girl cigarette. instead she writes me a note, notes, she invites me to go with her upstares to a party. i gleefully agree. i try to walk inconspiciously out of the apartment.
Third floor, Andreichik apartment. We enter. When im a ways in, i realize i am wearing a cute sweater and black undies. that dont look like shorts, i think. and i panic a little bit. but less than i used to in other dreams. But i also think this might be ok. Then i realize many are dressed like that! im fine! this is a free environment.
The guy called Sergei comes over and we talk, i think we shake hands. do we hug? idk. Then i stand there, covered by a small crowd, and wait for something to happen.
Before Yulia - We talk, theres aunt i think, someone else. its not THSI apartment. I look out of the window and am glad to see her. I feel warmth seeing her. I want to be with her in some way. COGARETTES I LOVE CIGAREETES


I AM ESCAPING TO A NEW LIFE, A GOOD LIFE?????