slumped, gaunt, after lying in bed in (not)agony. fever, my lopatka is protruding. i look skinnier. (this is about my possible impregnation of K)(thinking about it a lot this morning in my bed) (which makes me weaker?)(but "mom is wrong about my.. situation"? or me"). it's hard to keep posture, it goes straight back to slumped. and hard to breath? or breath deep. (hard to think deep within a problem?) it's like im one of those sick infected (with some respiratory illness) boys (in the foster home?). also I'm taller. and remind myself of that tai box guy, slumped, fast. but me I'm weaker. even tho i have muscles already! it's hard flexing them now.
and it's all bc I've lied in bed surviving the illness?
it doesn't work? you've decided to do it? and other questions like that from my mother as in trying to fix the green curtain, is strangely stuck above. i am inpatient with mom, but don't show it overly much. "want to show(it) to then?"or something. i say no, or nothing. turn to sit on the step, with a huge boner, thinking hope they didn't see it. but they might've. and it's ok. strange "carcass" of a box, metal, painted black. where it shouldn't be, never been. "or did i miss it?" (hidden brain construction?). others like it - in the main, right, part if the balc. i worry about balc not falling
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