i go own into a pool where an anima, a wild animal lives, a bear.
pppl tell me to get out, but i think im sure i can handle him.
he starts biting me. gentle at first. i am feeling able to control the situation. tben harder and more agressive, the first time was almost gentle. then even harder and he holds. i start panicking JUST A LITTLE. but still believe i can get out easily, i can reason. then the final time it feels that he DOES mean business and wants to eat me. doesnt want to just play and be friends, wants me to die here. im looking for the exit stairs from the pool (of white-murky water), hoping he wont be able to follow. I just need for him to let me go.
I think i escape.
I do feel stupid, and not, for trying it.
is this about the k-abuser?
im a violent child
Mom was saying i sent a photo of myself instead of the document i needed to send. it was making me angry, in a childhood way. She came into my room and kept on. I allowed myself to throw nail cutter and a laser pointer at the wall, 1.5 meters away from mom. my uke fell down. She went out of my room, saying "throw at my head next", why did it piss me off so badly? why did i succumbed to the desire to throw a heavy hitting, dangerous pestle. i had an image of doing it right at her head, her head bleeding (or maybe it was later), as was aiming, i think. I was torn between giving her all ive got, hurting her (the way she hurt me?? is that it), and throwing it behind the door/at something in my room/ but i didnt want to hurt (i meant to say damage) anything in my room and also i didnt want her to not realize i threw it. So i threw the pestle at the door, i hoped it would just hit the dull part and fall, or slide/ricochet and doesnt hit my mom. But to my actual surprise it d...
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