NotALena

 I am in my grandparents bedroom, the tv on the window is on. It shows a girl, i aa pink dress, strapless (not really),she is talking about something, being interviewed. I realie she looks like a Alena, so I feel like touching myself looking at her (a possibly pathologic type of desire i keep having lately). She is talking about her old cat, she is asked if he purrs, she says "Oh no, he is VERY old", it tugs on my heart strings. I get almost weepy. I back away and sit down on a couch. My dick is in front of me, pretty big, the shape of it is very well defined (like the guy from wikimedia's testicular masturbatio video ive watched yest.). I think about how Alena didnt come when Murzik died, i get myself angry about it, i suddenly feel justified in my anger, and feel love for her go away, but then i stop and it comes back. And it wasnt real, the anger. even tho it was justified. 
I think about how I coulndt go to Moscow to save my life but now its easy for me. and how it would be amazing it was so back then when Alena was still wanting me

Broken screen on my phone, a heavy indent, yet everything functios, ive damaged it when i had anger, spiderweb-thin cracks on the screen. I was hitting it. Surprised its still working, relieved, i remember wheni broke a phone, shame