notebooks notebooks

 im looking for a тетрадь with my drawings and stuff ("It is time to open it again" or something). i look at the one with Galkina on the cover (or a girl similar to her) and it feels kinda right, but also i recognize that this is the kind of art notebook that i used back in the bad day. So i skip it and search for the one i actually wanna find.
I recall using it, drawing? in my room (different room), my back to the wall adjacent to the balcony, cozy.
I realize where it can probably be, the A's box with a plane!
I open it and searrch. Not thoroughly. I imagine the tetrad, how it feels, how it looks, its A4, ragged, like the excersise books that i [hate]. 
I realize i still have the tetrad that belongs to a girl who landed it to me. We talked once but she gave me her number. And she is cute. There's another book/tetrad/whatever from another girl. And i also need to give it back. at first i am like UGH i didnt so now i feel terrible. but then i realize i can just text them and fix my shortcomings? SO easy? and plus i wanna be good again in their eyes. 
These books of theirs/tetrads were really nice.
I recall tearing the bad art notebook up. and it feels weird bc here it is on the wardrobe. among my stuff. why. but also its not that bad art notebook its with Natashka on the cover and i really like her, and it feels warm to the thought and i wanna use IT but stop myself bc of the similarity [in format]. maybe thinking about destroying it [again??] too. But i dont.

I feel: i cant wait to open the A's box and find the thing i truly want and need and do what i want finally [what is it? finding a direction?]. i KNOW, i can FEEL it in my MIND that the thing i love so dearly is INSIDE among the other things i LOVE and cherish

also i def recall the other dream about such a notebook.the happy dream about it idk why its happy.

(is this about the girls im trying to date? the one i need to return the notebook to is Dasha from feeld?)

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