An Emotional Journey

 God I miss her so much. Its like ive lost a part of my soul, of my heart.A girl Ive met on an app, or on a social platform that is defunct now, or maybe ive just lost my password, or just havent been there for too many years. I miss you.  Maybe we can reconnect still? Maybe if i go to one of the sites i havent been to in ages she will be among one of my contacts? and we will take off from where we left? God i miss her. The feeling from the dream is fully on right now, its like it is real, its like i am thinking about a real friend I have forgot about.  In this dream I remembered I havent talked to several friend from years ago. Maybe in another life everything in my life worked out alright and I've had real, good, loving friends throughout my life, and my youth was happy. And this is a memory from that reality. I wish this to be true. And I want us to reconnect in this reality, or between realities. there was an article, or a video or something, maybe a podcast, about pe...

 I went to feed the kitten this AM, a neighbour came in, i said hi, he said "mhi" exceptionally non-committally like barely even said it. And following him were a woman in a blue jacket, white hair, gorgon-like, and a man, short, i think in a leather cap. unremarkable. She saw a kitten and said soe=mehting in a A CUTE ANIMAL voice. I dont know why but i kept looking at them until they were hidden by the stairs-the man i looked only until a moment before that, even tho i was gonna look until hes gone.  Some time later I have found some wet dirt... blob on the wall by the kitten litterbox. or maybe it was before. Time feels weird. Then Ive found hmmm,,, i cant seem to be able to focus rn. Lets see. I have found the blob, i have removed it. then ive found a wet trace of some liquid poured or splashed on the wall where the blob was. I have dried it w toilet paper. but got worried that whatever it is got on the trashbag that was lying right by it. Later, i have poured in some litt...

 a woman, i am afraid, might come over for a kitten, uninvited. i foolishly told her the entrance number. and there is a way to save the kittens from her of course - take them in, for a day, two, a week. but that will stop them from being adopted by real humans.  I couldnt fall asleep this AM thinking about what i should do. get a  kitten shampoo - numbler one. i am stalling to not go outside. idk. also the anxiety feels like pain, it feels wrong to move, to do what needs to be done. bc i am not SURE it does. and thats the whole thing. i need CERTAINTY, dead steel certainty that what I do, what i am about to do, what i am thinking of doing, needs to be done. or it needs to feel very right. and have no elements of mental disorders. which, rare. as u know.

 We go, drive, to i think Japan and i stay the night in the haunted house, the women who come there, not necessarily aware of it, are in danger. some know. and i come, with no real danger for myself, bc i know they cant harm me. ive made peace with them (irl dreams, as u remember). Im very sleepy, and while i think about escaping, which might not even work (i watched Midnight Mess, the second to last ep, last night), and look at the triangle clock (remember? previous dream? and the wind-up clock at Kondr.), i slip into a dream. I think i feel safe, too self assured i wake up and im alive. A long dark haired girl, woman, is near me, and she doesnt have legs and an arm, the one arm is still here, "FLAILING". this disturbes me more than her stubs. ALso they are clean cut, clean healed, a long time ago i guess, they had time to heal. The ghosts, spirits, cut her limbs off. But it cant be, she was full, complete, just last night when i saw her. which made me think, i mustve been ...

A boy is in front of me. Familiar to me. I pick him up like K. I expect it to be harder, for him to be heavier. But he is really light. And he isnt surprised but really glad i did it. [This isnt exactly me but its not an enemy? not anymore (even tho later on he turns into abuser. and then - K). Mom is the real problem now in a dream. in the end where she suspects me and K to have sex, what with all the sex toys? somewhere in the long house on the side of the mountain.or hill. but i hide black dildo she or he or i used up my butt. its still wet with juices. i hide it beneath a normal thing, a sink but dry.] And since he is SO easy to carry I decide i can, i will carry him for a long stretch of the road. its a house actually (which means My Brain!!). I carry him with ease but i bump him into door frames, into columns, and each time i feel bad and each time i say SORRY im sorry! didnt mean to! And each time i think he makes me know its ok. and he isnt upset about it and he isnt hurt badly...