An Emotional Journey

 I go down to the first floor of school, i think its night time or evening. it always is.  Its the PE part of it, Alena's and Mine. Its different now.  There are people there, I feel like going to the PE class to exercise. It is a pretty sudden feeling that I CAN now do it. I am capable. Wait no this is a bit later. But the feeling that I wanna go there is now. I go past the ppl. Its dark and blue. Like in that dream. OR NOT A DREAM it wasnt a dream, i was alone with the boys in that hallway when the lights went out or they turned them on and they were saying Tishina Drug Molodezhi. Dark Blue. I see the door to the gym, its where the art class is irl. And there are people too. And THEN i think I will just walk past them and (if they are not my former classmates) do some pullups, bc i probably can do that and its a respectable thing to do actually and its gonna be alright. Maybe even if they ARE my classmates. Then i am close to the open door and there are only guys, from ...

 In grandparents room. Many ppl. Many cats. I look around and we have just... recently moved in here from the second floor apartment. This is new and less.. it has less soul. I want to go back. I realize that new ppl live there now and i cant go back. they dont know me. it would be very awkward to do it. it cant be done. panic sets in, the usual kind when i cant reverse something, or ALMOST cant. but really really wanna do it. I think about taking pills or something to commit suicide, and to write my note about how it is bc i cant live there anymore. [is this childish is this bad]. WHY DID WE MOVE HERE IT WAS SO GOOD DOWN THERE. its not our apartment everything is foreign. My cats are mine. They came with us (interesting, this). Sean and others are on the windowsill. The windows open in a strange way, the slit is very straight and smooth and straight edged. 90 degrees, it doesnt have features, just an opening. And it has less protections here too. And the outside windowsill... it h...

 Alena, her mom, and me are walking. We are standing by the store. Her mom's hair is long and black. Karen Kilgariff? The store... and its my house too? and theres my mom too but theres none? is Alena mixed w my mom?  There's some social or othetwise problem and i say theres gotta be a solution. her mom is not around atm, the house is green, the pale green thats not ..unpleasant, but depressive. The first level is stores, and its plastic and its jutting out from the house. I think Is this where I live... No... Or is it... or something like that. I look up and THEN i understand/feel its my house, despite being where 777 used to be, 3 stories high. And THEN i suggest a solution.. Some solution that might exists. And imagine some plastic extention for windows.I sound and feel отчаянный when i do. Her mom is back and we go in the direction of Vistrel.  The key was given... to Me? To Alena? By Alena? as we have approached the what looks like overroad bridge on the way to big m...

 Alena and me are walking down/up the road from the bank to the "new market place". We pass two kissing couples. I feel this might be my chance to tell her. She stops by the corner wall to the former tech shop. And leans on the wall. SHe looks expectant. I try to come up with something emotional to saay about my feelings. But end up saying something apologetic like sorry i had something to say but uhh. She stands straight with a face of Nevermind... And I still am trying. But we walk to the market now. ANd i still am thinking. At the market we... idk i try to tell her? and i keep saying these общие фразы that sound shallow and feel even more shallow, bc they dont express what i want to. also a feeling that i am running out of time. it began when the dream began, and was getting more intense. but like the feeling of.. when i need to choose QUICKLY  but i dont know what is the best thing to choose. We are at the school ground, middle of the asphalt field. She is taller, she loo...

 We got inside a medical-religious-semieldritch cult. The resistance was fighting them to free their captives (now this included me aand those who came with me). It was opening portals where they couldnt find it. But had to relocate them of course every once in a while (eoiaw). In the end of the  dream the portal was under the bed. it was my bed irl but a bit different. It had moreblankets, sheets on it that were covering the bottom. Many have escaped with resistance's help. actually, all of those who needed to escape. I was the last one. Theres a character, a doctor, who reminds me of my grandma. But not. She is not kind inside.  I talk to her. Then when Im alone for a lil while i am decided and sneak under the bed.(btw this is based on the movie The Cleanse i was watching last night). Head first i wiggle further in. But it stops moving me half way and i internally emotionally panic, bc my legs are out there and if they are seen they will get caught and i will get pulled...

 158/90 is my blood pressure on the right arm. its 146/8something on the left.  i blame medication. but chamomile as well. i also blame my pregnancy scare. i havent taken medication in soon to be 24 hours.  mom's new BP meter stores data on a permanent memory. I will have to explain. i tried to post in a vent room in discord chat but a cat broke the plate and now i think G-d has made this happen to stop me. is this the same as Not Believing Anything has a Supernatural Explanation OR??? can i get an answer?

 First: I am in a bolshaya room, its an empty space/void, pretty well lit. A red butterfly with a stinger is flying around. It sits on one man, its kinda interesting, he moves her and she doesnt fly away. its a funny thing. Someone is filming him. Oh, but first there is another man too, he was the first she landed on. Its just an animal who doesnt understand that we are ppl. Then (and i desired that,) she lands on me. She just walks, then her stingerwith a bulging end touches my skin and she slowly and gently caresses me with it, it goes left to right and back. I am just a little bit unnerved by it but its ok! THEN it gets faster. And faster. And faster. I was a bit afraid she would sting me, but she seemed v friendly and nonconfrontational. But this speed, it felt like anger, like anger was building up inside of her, towards me. And When it got this fast, I have realized she will sting me. So i shoo her away. THIS doesnt sit right with her and she flies right back, clings to me, i...